It occurred to me today that my communication abilities are a bit like a panel of fuses or breakers in a house. I only have the most basic understanding of electrical stuff, but it seems to make sense to me based on what I know. When I get overloaded in one area, it will become … Continue reading Blown Fuses and Communication
My Life
Unlovable
[TW: description of experiencing a meltdown, some suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harming, and possibly other things that I can't think of at the moment] I sit here, still a bit shaken by the epic meltdown I experienced three nights ago, and I worry that if my friends really knew me, really, that they wouldn't like … Continue reading Unlovable
Doing the Scary Things
Right now I'm in the process of doing three of the scariest things I've ever done in my life. They're not things I can write directly about lest my anonymity be somewhat more compromised than I'm comfortable with, but it really hit me today how far outside my comfort zone I've gotten with just my … Continue reading Doing the Scary Things
Perfection is an Illusion
I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. But for some reason when I fall short of perfection my brain tells me that I've failed at something that should have been possible. The reality is that nobody's perfect. Expecting it of ourselves or even thinking that other people might be it... can be highly damaging. … Continue reading Perfection is an Illusion
How (Not) to Disappear
Disappearing is a word that is used, primarily by my local circle of friends, to describe when one of us stops communicating for a while and stops visiting social media either mostly or completely. We've all done it from time to time, some more than others and each to varying degrees. So what does this … Continue reading How (Not) to Disappear
Communication is Hard
In going through my saved links recently for a different post, I came across this post from Cynthia Kim --Echolalia and Scripting: Straddling the Border of Functional Language. I've read it before, of course, that's why it's in my saved links; but today this quote from it felt really familiar. It describes a recent experience … Continue reading Communication is Hard
Time to Work Through the Past
Over the last 3 months, I've had a dizzying array of personal and professional realizations. I've had to revisit and revise still more memories in light of these revelations and I do not like it. Not even a little bit. Not that the realizations themselves have been bad, quite the contrary, but the work to … Continue reading Time to Work Through the Past
Emotional Containment Failure
I usually can't name my emotions. This is not an optimal thing, of course, because emotions can affect all kinds of things and it's difficult to control or understand such things when I'm unaware of what they even are. So I somehow developed a containment system over the years. I have this ability to lock … Continue reading Emotional Containment Failure
Talking to Strangers
It's almost always easier for me to talk to strangers than to people I know well unless the person I know well is also Autistic. It's an act of self-care for me to socialize (or not) in ways that are comfortable to me whenever possible. Talking to strangers instead of people I know well can … Continue reading Talking to Strangers
Accuracy in Questions and Answers
Disclaimer: When you've met one allistic (non-autistic), you've met one allistic! The communication quirks and difficulties my allistic counterpart presents may be totally different than the communication quirks and difficulties another allistic counterpart may present. My allistic counterpart and I recently unearthed another communication issue in our marriage. When I ask a question it's because … Continue reading Accuracy in Questions and Answers
Mamautistic 