I've written some about this topic before, regarding the joy I feel when I see other Autistic people moving in Autistic ways, but today I want to write about how my own movement affects and reflects my emotions. I get a little sweary at the very end when talking about getting rid of the allistic … Continue reading Autistic Body Language and Emotion
Post-diagnosis
Preformed Performing
Reflections on my life and activism after re-reading "Clinically Significant Disturbance: On Theorists Who Theorize Theory of Mind" and being so tired & wordless lately. I have been a painfully honest person performing a preformed lie. Obsessed with accuracy in every other area of life, I still found myself trying to blend in. Trying to … Continue reading Preformed Performing
Tomorrow
I'll do it tomorrow, I always think. There's plenty of time. But tomorrow never comes and the time slips away. Suddenly it's been two weeks and I've nothing tangible to show for it. Nothing visible, nothing that seems important. But I have done things. I finished reading Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate and Library of … Continue reading Tomorrow
One Year of Blogging
I completely missed the actual day of my diagnosis anniversary earlier this month 😦 But today is the anniversary of when I started blogging here! This is going to be a recap of the year type of post, I think, looking at my life post-diagnosis. Being part of the online Autistic Community has helped my … Continue reading One Year of Blogging
Blending In, Acceptance, and Disappointing Others
I'm not sure when I learned that I needed to blend in with others for self-preservation purposes. I'm certain that I was very young though. I know for a fact that this knowledge within myself was fairly firmly in place by the time I was 7 years old. Possibly earlier. Blending and the sense that … Continue reading Blending In, Acceptance, and Disappointing Others
Flashback Friday – Planning Everything
[image description: blue sky and cloud background. Text reads: "I picture myself running and my distress pursuing close behind. I will run at top speed if I'm around any other people, but eventually I get tired and the distress keeps getting bigger with longer legs until it can easily reach me. I try to ensure … Continue reading Flashback Friday – Planning Everything
Burned Bridges
For most of my life, my experiences were confusing and inexplicable. I could not explain, even to myself, most of what happened to me, others' reactions, or my own reactions to what was happening. In a post earlier this year I wrote: In the past I’ve run away from these events. I’d never return to … Continue reading Burned Bridges
Uniqueness and Late-Diagnosis
I've heard it said by allistics (non-Autistics) that people who are late-diagnosed Autistic just "want to be unique" or "think we're special." This is sometimes even theorized as the reason we go in to be evaluated as adults. Let's ignore the fact that many of us struggled, floundered, and failed for many years before gaining … Continue reading Uniqueness and Late-Diagnosis
An Unexpected April Disclosure
In my defense, I thought I could handle it. I firmly believe that we should not need to disclose our Autistic status in order to be taken seriously when we pass along the words of other Autistics. So, I reasoned, I'd post things for April and just elevate other Autistic voices. It seemed like a great … Continue reading An Unexpected April Disclosure
Messing Up Such a Simple Thing
Sometimes I'll be going along, doing fairly well, and then I'll mess up again. In a big way. Patterns in my life often emerge from new situations and experiences because they aren't really new. These are things that have been happening my entire life, but that I never had the ability to describe or explain … Continue reading Messing Up Such a Simple Thing
Mamautistic 