All week I've been mulling over how lying (either to or about me) is one of the fastest ways for someone else to bring me to a state of meltdown. I considered why that might be the case and then came across a perceptive tweet regarding another liar, the father in the #PuppetGate play, which … Continue reading Liars are Illusions or How Gaslighting Leads to Meltdowns
meltdown
Misdirection and Abuse
Misdirection is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Magicians use it to aid in their illusions and the results can be spectacular! Misdirection can also be used by abusive people who want or need to distract others from what they're up to. If you haven't yet, please check out my previous post about … Continue reading Misdirection and Abuse
Reckoning with Last Year’s Abuse
I'm going to write about something that feels shameful, but I'm not going to let the feeling of shame stop me from speaking out. Because I know I'm not the only Autistic person this has been done to. This isn't even the first time I've had it done to me, which adds to the feeling … Continue reading Reckoning with Last Year’s Abuse
Broken But Building Back
My words are starting to return a little bit. It's been months. Goodness only knows how long it'll take for them to be back to any kind of "normal" (for me) level. I think I wrote the quoted bit below about being wordless around a week ago. ____________________________ It's funny how wonky time goes. Buried, … Continue reading Broken But Building Back
Internalized Ableism, Others, and Reassurances
Honestly, I've not given all that much thought to internalized ableism. I've read about it, yes. I've even written a little bit about it, but it has never topped my list of "things I need to personally work on." Until now. It has, rather abruptly, come to my attention that I have internalized way more … Continue reading Internalized Ableism, Others, and Reassurances
Just Do It! Or Not.
There's a lot of motivational speak out there that encourages just doing the thing (usually it's the exercise-related ones I see most often) if you don't want to. Generally speaking, that's probably good advice. I don't often want to do various things around the house or to take care of myself, but life is generally … Continue reading Just Do It! Or Not.
Relatability – Autistic Adults and Parents
It occurred to me the other day, that allistic (non-autistic) parents mostly focus their conversations on the things that they relate to. This is also true of Autistic adults. Most people seem to focus primarily on the things that they relate most easily to, and this is logical to me. Allistic parents don't relate to … Continue reading Relatability – Autistic Adults and Parents
Unlovable
[TW: description of experiencing a meltdown, some suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harming, and possibly other things that I can't think of at the moment] I sit here, still a bit shaken by the epic meltdown I experienced three nights ago, and I worry that if my friends really knew me, really, that they wouldn't like … Continue reading Unlovable
Emotional Containment Failure
I usually can't name my emotions. This is not an optimal thing, of course, because emotions can affect all kinds of things and it's difficult to control or understand such things when I'm unaware of what they even are. So I somehow developed a containment system over the years. I have this ability to lock … Continue reading Emotional Containment Failure
Accuracy in Questions and Answers
Disclaimer: When you've met one allistic (non-autistic), you've met one allistic! The communication quirks and difficulties my allistic counterpart presents may be totally different than the communication quirks and difficulties another allistic counterpart may present. My allistic counterpart and I recently unearthed another communication issue in our marriage. When I ask a question it's because … Continue reading Accuracy in Questions and Answers
Mamautistic 