I'm going to write about something that feels shameful, but I'm not going to let the feeling of shame stop me from speaking out. Because I know I'm not the only Autistic person this has been done to. This isn't even the first time I've had it done to me, which adds to the feeling … Continue reading Reckoning with Last Year’s Abuse
shutdown
Broken But Building Back
My words are starting to return a little bit. It's been months. Goodness only knows how long it'll take for them to be back to any kind of "normal" (for me) level. I think I wrote the quoted bit below about being wordless around a week ago. ____________________________ It's funny how wonky time goes. Buried, … Continue reading Broken But Building Back
Time, Mutism, and Levels of Communication
In late April I figured out something else about some of the communication issues in my marriage, which led to a realization that there seem to be different levels of communication for me. Some are easier than others and I can occasionally experience mutism regarding the more difficult types while still managing to use the … Continue reading Time, Mutism, and Levels of Communication
Betrayal, Lies, and Dependence; one year later
For the last few weeks I've been struggling with many things. Struggling isn't unusual, of course. I think that everyone who's autistic is well acquainted with struggling often in everyday situations. But the intensity of my recent struggles has been beyond that which I'm accustomed to dealing with. I'd go so far as to call … Continue reading Betrayal, Lies, and Dependence; one year later
Controlling?
Moving on to elaborate about the "controlling person" bit that was briefly introduced in last Saturday's post, from my journaling ~4 years ago: The accusation that I was controlling has always baffled me. More than a couple of people have had that opinion and yet... in order to be controlling, one would actually need to … Continue reading Controlling?
Mamautistic 