Conversational Depth Pt. 2

This is continued from Conversational Depth Pt. 1 from a few days ago.

Wordings are what I’ve always seen as important. Phraseology, terminology, vocabulary, and even spelling although I’m much more particular where I’m concerned than where others are.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that others see words differently than I do and that’s fine, I’ve gotten better at teasing out the meaning of written words over the years even with different spellings and wording choices, but I’m not sure how to effectively communicate any other way from my end.

“Pear” appears in my head, written out, with a fruit sitting next to it. “Pair” appears in my head next to a twosome of whatever object first comes to my mind. All the words I know are linked to their meanings in concrete and visual ways – even when the concept being discussed is more nebulous.

I remember the less concrete word meanings by the contexts in which I’ve seen them previously: The words sit alongside the images, added to the general sense of the situations and meaning of the sentences where I’ve encountered them before.

I’ve always experienced difficulties with abbreviations, although chatting on Twitter is helping with that. I also don’t do well with new words until I’ve had sufficient time to get used to them and solidly associate the spelling with the meaning in a concrete way in my mind. When words dramatically change meaning over a relatively short period of time, such as happened with the word “gay,” it’s quite disorienting, even upsetting, and it takes me a while to incorporate the new meaning into my understanding of the word.

Others might find conversational depth through a look, a glance, a subtle tone change; but to me, the subtleties and depth of communication are primarily found in the way things are worded.

This difference in communication style often causes issues.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but I wish more allistic (non-autistic) people were willing to meet me partway when I’m too tired to meet them.

I also wish that allistic people weren’t so quick to dismiss my often precise and laboriously chosen words in favor of what they think I must’ve meant to say based on their own misunderstanding of what they think my perspective must be.

This often contributes to my desire to just be away from all the people. Both online and off.

For me there aren’t many situations more frustrating, exhausting, and discouraging than having incorrect assumptions placed on what I’ve said.

I know I’ve read a saying somewhere by another Autistic blogger/writer about how there are very few worse things than being judged harshly for something one didn’t actually say, but I cannot find it right now and probably am not remembering it exactly right either.

Still, it was a similar sentiment to what I’ve written above and is so very true.

Added April 5, 2017 – Found it!

“Few things are worse than being dismissed for something you didn’t actually mean.”

It’s also very often impossible to convince people that you didn’t say what they insist you did say. Even when there’s a written record of everything that you said. That’s how strong people’s assumptions tend to be.

I’ve not usually had these communication issues with other autistic people though, which is a wonderfully refreshing thing ❤


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