In late April I figured out something else about some of the communication issues in my marriage, which led to a realization that there seem to be different levels of communication for me. Some are easier than others and I can occasionally experience mutism regarding the more difficult types while still managing to use the … Continue reading Time, Mutism, and Levels of Communication
My Life
Stress and Avoidance
My default response to stress is avoidance. This is often unfortunate because avoidance tends to make the stress worse and yet, I always seem to end up there again the next time a large dose of stress catches me unaware. Currently I have a lot going on. There are multiple uncertainties I have to deal … Continue reading Stress and Avoidance
Reactions and Assumptions
I mentioned the idea of assumptions briefly in a previous post regarding how others often assume that Autistics are overreacting in various situations that we're actually experiencing as distressing or even traumatic. I'd also like for parents, teachers, and other professionals to be taught that we aren't overreacting in those situations. Rather, we are reacting … Continue reading Reactions and Assumptions
Convergence
CW: the feeling of overwhelm All the things meeting together. April Autism Awareness, past resurfacing, traumatic space revisiting. Utter exhaustion. Hiding from the world, mostly. Time stretches on, limitless. Pulls, longer and longer. Floating in infinity. Until, like a rubber band, it snaps. Suddenly, it's two weeks in the future and there are hundreds of unread … Continue reading Convergence
Feelings, Emotions, and Uncertainty
At any given time, I cannot tell how I'm feeling emotionally. Sometimes physical sensations can be understood and named in the moment, but actual emotions are slippery and defy categorization. Even once I've managed to grab hold and examine the emotion sometime in the future, it remains largely a mystery to me. "How are you?" … Continue reading Feelings, Emotions, and Uncertainty
Time, Processing, and Transitions
Unexpected events are largely unavoidable. Things happen, stuff comes up, plans change. I understand that. I also live with small unpredictable people, which adds another dimension to unexpectedness. I also recently learned of some insecurities on the part of my allistic (non-Autistic) husband that feed into many of the unexpected event-related difficulties in our marriage. More … Continue reading Time, Processing, and Transitions
Flashback Friday – 8 Year Old Hermit Plans
My highest aspiration, as an 8-year old, was to become a hermit when I grew up. Preferably on my own private island. My plans were never verbalized, that I remember. I had an image of myself living like Mary the vulture-lady in the Blossom Family books, picking up roadkill for soup and being all solitary … Continue reading Flashback Friday – 8 Year Old Hermit Plans
Barefooting
Barefooting is one of my greatest joys in life. One of my favorite things! To me, bare feet are liberated feet. I can easily walk either on my toes or toe-first, which are delightful ways for me to walk. I love to feel the dirt, carpet, grass, sand, etc underneath my feet. Such a different feeling … Continue reading Barefooting
Low on Words
When things get hectic, stressful, or busy I often will get low on words. This isn't the same thing as losing words completely, but my ability to effectively communicate becomes lessened. I began writing this post months ago, but April's interactions with non-Autistics have already stolen many of my words so it's very relevant right now. … Continue reading Low on Words
An Unexpected April Disclosure
In my defense, I thought I could handle it. I firmly believe that we should not need to disclose our Autistic status in order to be taken seriously when we pass along the words of other Autistics. So, I reasoned, I'd post things for April and just elevate other Autistic voices. It seemed like a great … Continue reading An Unexpected April Disclosure
Mamautistic 