It being the new year... has some meaning, I suppose. I've never completely understood the new year thing aside from it being a really handy placemarker for our brains to be all, "Starting over time!" I do like mental "starting over" placemarkers so there's that. And this is the best starting over time I've had … Continue reading Welcome to 2023!!!
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Nearly a Month
I'm still untangling some things, working through some others. My words come and go. April is always a bit rough for awareness reasons. But this April I'm figuring things out, untangling my life. I'm reading so many great books that I need to write reviews for very soon! My interests, family, and friends are constant … Continue reading Nearly a Month
Thank You for Everything
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who kept me on this plane of existence over the last few months. You ALL are priceless to me ❤ Some of you don't even know I exist (Sarah Kendzior and Andrea Chalupa, whose podcast Gaslit Nation helped me initially realize that I had been gaslit all … Continue reading Thank You for Everything
Liars are Illusions or How Gaslighting Leads to Meltdowns
All week I've been mulling over how lying (either to or about me) is one of the fastest ways for someone else to bring me to a state of meltdown. I considered why that might be the case and then came across a perceptive tweet regarding another liar, the father in the #PuppetGate play, which … Continue reading Liars are Illusions or How Gaslighting Leads to Meltdowns
Misdirection and Abuse
Misdirection is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Magicians use it to aid in their illusions and the results can be spectacular! Misdirection can also be used by abusive people who want or need to distract others from what they're up to. If you haven't yet, please check out my previous post about … Continue reading Misdirection and Abuse
Reckoning with Last Year’s Abuse
I'm going to write about something that feels shameful, but I'm not going to let the feeling of shame stop me from speaking out. Because I know I'm not the only Autistic person this has been done to. This isn't even the first time I've had it done to me, which adds to the feeling … Continue reading Reckoning with Last Year’s Abuse
That Fleeing Feeling
I started thinking about writing this post soon after my child had almost died in the hospital and I was routinely having meltdowns like clockwork every single week. By about two weeks after my child nearly died my weekly meltdowns had morphed into twice-weekly meltdowns -- Tuesdays and Thursdays, every single one. I was in … Continue reading That Fleeing Feeling
Unlovable
[TW: description of experiencing a meltdown, some suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harming, and possibly other things that I can't think of at the moment] I sit here, still a bit shaken by the epic meltdown I experienced three nights ago, and I worry that if my friends really knew me, really, that they wouldn't like … Continue reading Unlovable
Remembering How Others See Us
My time is arranged specifically in many ways so that I can manage life in general. These arrangements also serve to keep me away from professionals, teachers, and other people who have been trained to see us as "people with autism" or "defective" or whathaveyou. Primarily I interact with people who know I'm Autistic, but accept … Continue reading Remembering How Others See Us
Perfection is an Illusion
I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. But for some reason when I fall short of perfection my brain tells me that I've failed at something that should have been possible. The reality is that nobody's perfect. Expecting it of ourselves or even thinking that other people might be it... can be highly damaging. … Continue reading Perfection is an Illusion
Mamautistic 