CW: Passing mention of being suicidal and (later) skipping meals. I was so excited to leave home! My college choice was even based on the fact that it was over a thousand miles away from my parents' home. I could've gone to a state school, just over a hundred miles away, but I wanted to get … Continue reading Flashback Friday – Freshman Year of College
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Reflections on My First Autistic April
My apologies for not writing much recently. I've been recovering from April, as I'm sure many of my readers have been too. I underestimated how difficult my first Autistic April would be and have been resting this week. Of course I was Autistic all the other Aprils of my life, but this past month was the … Continue reading Reflections on My First Autistic April
Time, Processing, and Transitions
Unexpected events are largely unavoidable. Things happen, stuff comes up, plans change. I understand that. I also live with small unpredictable people, which adds another dimension to unexpectedness. I also recently learned of some insecurities on the part of my allistic (non-Autistic) husband that feed into many of the unexpected event-related difficulties in our marriage. More … Continue reading Time, Processing, and Transitions
Flashback Friday – 8 Year Old Hermit Plans
My highest aspiration, as an 8-year old, was to become a hermit when I grew up. Preferably on my own private island. My plans were never verbalized, that I remember. I had an image of myself living like Mary the vulture-lady in the Blossom Family books, picking up roadkill for soup and being all solitary … Continue reading Flashback Friday – 8 Year Old Hermit Plans
Old Writings
I was going through some of my old writings the other day and I discovered a few common themes woven throughout it all. For context, these notebooks were post-college and pre-mother: mainly 2003-2005. I wrote a lot during those 2 years and I didn't have the time or motivation to read them thoroughly, but I skimmed … Continue reading Old Writings
Seeking Understanding
As I've already explored, communication and relationship difficulties between Autistics and allistics (non-Autistics) are not solely the fault of Autistics. Both sides have to seek understanding. To start with the obvious, understanding of Autistics cannot come from reading allistic perspectives of Autistic lives. Allistics haven't lived it. They are only guessing about what it's like to … Continue reading Seeking Understanding
Low on Words
When things get hectic, stressful, or busy I often will get low on words. This isn't the same thing as losing words completely, but my ability to effectively communicate becomes lessened. I began writing this post months ago, but April's interactions with non-Autistics have already stolen many of my words so it's very relevant right now. … Continue reading Low on Words
An Unexpected April Disclosure
In my defense, I thought I could handle it. I firmly believe that we should not need to disclose our Autistic status in order to be taken seriously when we pass along the words of other Autistics. So, I reasoned, I'd post things for April and just elevate other Autistic voices. It seemed like a great … Continue reading An Unexpected April Disclosure
(Mis)Understanding and Responsibility
Learning that I was Autistic was a daunting, overwhelming thing. On the one hand, it explained everything. Learning that I'm Autistic has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But, on the other hand, it's overwhelming and discouraging to think about how allistics (non-Autistics) will likely never understand and will … Continue reading (Mis)Understanding and Responsibility
Messing Up Such a Simple Thing
Sometimes I'll be going along, doing fairly well, and then I'll mess up again. In a big way. Patterns in my life often emerge from new situations and experiences because they aren't really new. These are things that have been happening my entire life, but that I never had the ability to describe or explain … Continue reading Messing Up Such a Simple Thing
Mamautistic 