I’ll do it tomorrow, I always think.
There’s plenty of time.
But tomorrow never comes and the time slips away.
Suddenly it’s been two weeks and I’ve nothing tangible to show for it.
Nothing visible, nothing that seems important.
But I have done things.
I finished reading
Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate and
Library of Souls (the 3rd Miss Peregrine book).
Both really good reads.
I’ve sketched drawings, played piano,
made more money in one week than I had since before becoming a mother.
I helped friends, cooked food, wrote a bit in my journal.
Caught up on sleep, worked out at the gym.
Began thinking about my NaNoWriMo novel ideas.
Helped my children with their projects.
Why then does it feel as though I’ve done nothing?
My house is cluttered.
I have too much stuff.
The disorder stifles me.
It’s oppressive.
Overwhelming.
Too much to do.
So much left undone causes me to forget.
My accomplishments slip from my memory.
It takes so much effort to recall what they were.
Yet my failures are so easy to see.
Mamautistic 
You haven’t done nothing, you’ve done a ton!
I see clutter as sign you’ve been busy doing other stuff, which is the point of life. So rock on and embrace it!
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Thank you! ❤ It definitely helped to write it all out and see more of what I'd done. Maybe I can regularly focus more on what I do and then maybe it won't be so easy to forget!
I would like to eventually get rid of more things so my house is less overwhelming, but I struggle with feeling too much empathy for inanimate objects and that makes decluttering a bit difficult. That's another of those "I'll do it tomorrow" things.
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I used to work with a guy who would annually throw out anything he hadn’t used in a year. I always thought that was pretty ruthless but I can definitely see how it can help the order of things. Do I really need that newspaper clipping from 14 years ago? No. But part of me is comfortable knowing I have it (and that’s a real example of mine…!). Crazy really, but I find that you (well, I) do things that make the world ever so slightly a better place for you. So if keeping a particular item, even if it is merely the continued ownership that is important, not usage, then it’s doing its job. I guess the key I then is to have it, but keep it away under lock and key, not getting in the way!
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I relate to this whole thing so much more than I probably should, considering I don’t have any disabilities/disorders… I mean… thank you for this, it’s a nice way to reframe things even for myself. And it also makes me think differently about plenty of other people too. 🙂
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I’m so glad it was relatable and helped you reframe things! 🙂
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You are so right about all of this! I think the problem is that the “achievements” are things that don’t show, whereas the failures do. I often chastise myself for being lazy, but to think that I just veg out in front of the TV would give the wrong impression. When I think about what I have done recently: I am reading my third biography of Thomas Cromwell and can argue his achievements and character with anyone. I know what “oyer and terminer” and a “bill of attainder” are. I can now say “I am not a banana” and “the rhinoceros drinks juice” in Dutch. But those are things that nobody notices. Whereas the dirty sink and the pile of stuff still not taken to the recycling centre are obvious to anyone. So you end up bemoaning your failures while discounting your achievements.
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That is such a good point, thank you! Most of the things I do accomplish are invisible and look like I’m not doing much of anything even though I really am! I wish the visible things I struggle more with were less visible and vice versa.
You have accomplished quite a lot too 🙂 The less visible things are also usually the more enjoyable and enriching things, in my experience.
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