I search for words, they elude me. Mockingly they sit just beyond my reach. The faster I seek, the faster they disappear. Blink. Blank. But I know who I am. I know what I value. I know what I believe. Harm is harm, no matter the intentions. Full consent requires honesty. On all … Continue reading Ending 2018
That Fleeing Feeling
I started thinking about writing this post soon after my child had almost died in the hospital and I was routinely having meltdowns like clockwork every single week. By about two weeks after my child nearly died my weekly meltdowns had morphed into twice-weekly meltdowns -- Tuesdays and Thursdays, every single one. I was in … Continue reading That Fleeing Feeling
Relating to Torey Hayden’s Books
I was introduced to Torey Hayden's books in college by my Freshman year Foundations of Education professor. Her book, One Child, was required reading at some point or another during that year. The class was a year-long class and at the time I was a music education (double) major. I loved that education class, aside from … Continue reading Relating to Torey Hayden’s Books
Internalized Ableism, Others, and Reassurances
Honestly, I've not given all that much thought to internalized ableism. I've read about it, yes. I've even written a little bit about it, but it has never topped my list of "things I need to personally work on." Until now. It has, rather abruptly, come to my attention that I have internalized way more … Continue reading Internalized Ableism, Others, and Reassurances
“Needing Structure” — What Does That Mean?
Re: Autistic people (especially children) and structure -- Based on my own experiences and those of other Autistic people with whom I've conversed about this issue, it's not usually structure or schedules, per se (on their own), that help us the most. Yet predictability can be an important support for us, especially when we're children. … Continue reading “Needing Structure” — What Does That Mean?
Just Do It! Or Not.
There's a lot of motivational speak out there that encourages just doing the thing (usually it's the exercise-related ones I see most often) if you don't want to. Generally speaking, that's probably good advice. I don't often want to do various things around the house or to take care of myself, but life is generally … Continue reading Just Do It! Or Not.
Blown Fuses and Communication
It occurred to me today that my communication abilities are a bit like a panel of fuses or breakers in a house. I only have the most basic understanding of electrical stuff, but it seems to make sense to me based on what I know. When I get overloaded in one area, it will become … Continue reading Blown Fuses and Communication
Relatability – Autistic Adults and Parents
It occurred to me the other day, that allistic (non-autistic) parents mostly focus their conversations on the things that they relate to. This is also true of Autistic adults. Most people seem to focus primarily on the things that they relate most easily to, and this is logical to me. Allistic parents don't relate to … Continue reading Relatability – Autistic Adults and Parents
Unlovable
[TW: description of experiencing a meltdown, some suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harming, and possibly other things that I can't think of at the moment] I sit here, still a bit shaken by the epic meltdown I experienced three nights ago, and I worry that if my friends really knew me, really, that they wouldn't like … Continue reading Unlovable
Remembering How Others See Us
My time is arranged specifically in many ways so that I can manage life in general. These arrangements also serve to keep me away from professionals, teachers, and other people who have been trained to see us as "people with autism" or "defective" or whathaveyou. Primarily I interact with people who know I'm Autistic, but accept … Continue reading Remembering How Others See Us
