This is a first for me. I've never written a blog this personal and I've certainly never written 100 posts on a blog before. My previous attempts at blogging, without knowing I was Autistic or perhaps suspecting but not really having that acceptance or understanding yet, all fell apart very quickly. It's impossible to write … Continue reading Number 100
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Convergence
CW: the feeling of overwhelm All the things meeting together. April Autism Awareness, past resurfacing, traumatic space revisiting. Utter exhaustion. Hiding from the world, mostly. Time stretches on, limitless. Pulls, longer and longer. Floating in infinity. Until, like a rubber band, it snaps. Suddenly, it's two weeks in the future and there are hundreds of unread … Continue reading Convergence
Reflections on My First Autistic April
My apologies for not writing much recently. I've been recovering from April, as I'm sure many of my readers have been too. I underestimated how difficult my first Autistic April would be and have been resting this week. Of course I was Autistic all the other Aprils of my life, but this past month was the … Continue reading Reflections on My First Autistic April
Old Writings
I was going through some of my old writings the other day and I discovered a few common themes woven throughout it all. For context, these notebooks were post-college and pre-mother: mainly 2003-2005. I wrote a lot during those 2 years and I didn't have the time or motivation to read them thoroughly, but I skimmed … Continue reading Old Writings
The Joy of Autistic Body Language
While sitting at my child's class, I sometimes can see into a different room. I often will pause in my writing or reading and watch what's happening from all the way across the building. I'm there because of my child. They decided this was their "must do" activity and we did everything in our power … Continue reading The Joy of Autistic Body Language
Low on Words
When things get hectic, stressful, or busy I often will get low on words. This isn't the same thing as losing words completely, but my ability to effectively communicate becomes lessened. I began writing this post months ago, but April's interactions with non-Autistics have already stolen many of my words so it's very relevant right now. … Continue reading Low on Words
An Unexpected April Disclosure
In my defense, I thought I could handle it. I firmly believe that we should not need to disclose our Autistic status in order to be taken seriously when we pass along the words of other Autistics. So, I reasoned, I'd post things for April and just elevate other Autistic voices. It seemed like a great … Continue reading An Unexpected April Disclosure
Messing Up Such a Simple Thing
Sometimes I'll be going along, doing fairly well, and then I'll mess up again. In a big way. Patterns in my life often emerge from new situations and experiences because they aren't really new. These are things that have been happening my entire life, but that I never had the ability to describe or explain … Continue reading Messing Up Such a Simple Thing
Representation in Fiction – On the Edge of Gone
Last week I finally got a lovely hard-bound copy of Corinne Duyvis' book On the Edge of Gone. It was a wonderful read! I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys Young Adult and/or apocalyptic-type fiction. Honestly, even if you don't like those genres, if you're allistic (non-Autistic) and close to someone who's Autistic then you would … Continue reading Representation in Fiction – On the Edge of Gone
Feeling Understood
I think that one of the best feelings in the world is the feeling of being understood by someone else. Sadly, being Autistic has meant that most people in my life have completely misunderstood me the vast majority of the time. Every time I read something written by another Autistic person, I feel understood. Someone … Continue reading Feeling Understood
Mamautistic 