It was probably November of 2016 when I really crashed hard. I got my autism diagnosis in August and then began getting extensive dental work done soon after, which sapped most of my energy.
Goodness, and looking up old posts it seems that 2016 was just a difficult year of grieving in general. I’d forgotten half of those things I wrote about in that linked post (and I think it’s a good one about grief in general too, although I am somewhat biased on the topic of my own writing).
I forget, you see, when I don’t remind myself. Remembering is fairly all-consuming when it happens so usually I don’t live in a state of remembering at all. It just becomes too intense to handle if I remember too much at a time.
So it’s maybe been even longer since this current burnout started, but I’m not sure because I never really wrote about it here or anywhere else for some reason or other.
I guess I kept hoping it would go away. That my abilities would somehow reappear, but they haven’t.
There’s not much of a point to this post, I suppose.
After all, there’s not anything that can be done really. I can’t rest any more than I already am. I have children and responsibilities. I can’t just nope out of my life.
But whatever’s going on with this burnout isn’t sustainable either.
Giving for others is easier. If someone I know and care about is in a bad situation then I’m there. But asking for help for myself or doing things for myself? Just isn’t happening.
The energy isn’t there even if the motivation is.
So if anyone reading this is experiencing burnout, you’re not alone. I’m right here with you.
Right now I have two very nearly completed posts that I’ll try to finish before the end of the month. That’s my goal regarding this blog.
In the meantime I’m going to try and get a nap every chance I have.